


Help Me Find A Way To Breathe

by FelineBlue



Series: This Is How I Lost You [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I Don't Even Know, Keith is still Korean in my books but from Texas, Lance (Voltron) Speaks Spanish, M/M, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Self Harm, Sexual Content, Sleep Walking, Why Did I Write This?, texan keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:33:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8196035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelineBlue/pseuds/FelineBlue
Summary: "He knew that Lance wanted to be the one that kept the team together even when he couldn't keep himself from falling a part."
Keith wants to take care of Lance but Lance has no idea how to help himself but is it too late?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of sleeping fml  
> So like half of this is probably not edited LOL I AM SO SORRY ITS LIKE 4AM
> 
> Anyway, this can be read as stand alone but yeah. Enjoy <3

In his first year at the Garrison, Lance could still remember how he had taken Psychology as an elective since he needed to fill up a space on his time line. Hunk had suggested it since he was told it was an easy course but alas it was not, or not to Lance anyway. The memorization of multiple theories, published and unpublished thesis and not to mention all the whack jobs who created them was what the majority of the course consisted of; it was an absolute nightmare for Lance.

Until they started to talk about dreams.

Lance, surprise surprise, had always been a deep sleeper. Even when he was younger, he could still remember his older brother joking about how much it looked like Lance had passed away in his sleep because he wouldn't even wake up to the sound of the fire alarm when it used to go off over night at the family house. It was a regular occurrence too, the fire alarm always went off about three times a week because their cousin Marisol would come over to have sleepovers but insisted that she must burn a candle to keep away whatever spirits were out to get her.

Nothing ever came for her accept Lance's parents, but it gave him a reason to become such a heavy sleeper.

As the teacher spoke to them about dreams, Lance fell more and more in love with the idea of sleeping forever. Not that he didn't love being awake and enjoying the world, but because nothing could ever really hurt him if he just created the world around him. Lance would never have to deal with all this emotion that was built up inside of him or the pressure he always felt like was surrounding him if he never made it as a fighter pilot on his first shot. He wouldn't have to deal with the bubbling anxiety he felt every time he didn't do as well on a test as the last time or the need to have to compete with that Kogane kid that was a literal genius in all his flying 101 classes.

The only issue that arose when he day dreamed such things was the fact that well, most of everybody's dreams are usually consistently negatively. His teacher explained it to them like this, you can have multiple dreams happening all at once or one after another and they could all be completely different in plot or story line. They might not even have anything to go on and it could just be an ongoing scene your mind has made up as a way to refresh itself. However, dreams were usually always negative when it came down to it because the most reported emotions felt while dreaming were anger, sadness and fear.

Which is why Lance can't sleep anymore.

It's been almost a year now and they were still out in the universe taking out Zarkon's army one by one. There were times when the paladins weren't even in the midst of battles but would go from planet to planet to hold peace treaties and to spread the word that Voltron would keep them safe. They became advocates for unity when they weren't fighting for their lives and were consistently spread thin by the gruesome battles that could be dragged on for several hours or even a few days.

Lance has never felt so worn out or exhausted in his life.  


He just wanted to go home.

 

~*~

 

Keith knew Lance was putting on a front for everyone else because when he thought no one was looking, his smiling face would fall into one of exhaustion and misery. They all knew, however, that Lance missed his family back home on earth and to be quite frank, Keith didn't really understand it until Hunk explained to him in passing how Lance's siblings were all moving back home that Christmas to be with their mother before her chemo would start.

Keith had never really knew his mother or father, but he had gotten close to this one boy back in elementary school who's mother fell ill with cancer before passing away. The boy he had made friends with wasn't himself anymore after his mother had left. He wasn't the boy Keith had befriended at the beginning of the year.

It was hard for him to see Lance this way, now that they were well, whatever they were, Keith had a hard time not feeling responsible for whatever it was that was troubling Lance. He did have a good understanding as to what it is because when they did have some down time, Lance would crawl into his bed and ask to be held while he tried his best to fall asleep.

Most of the time, Lance would sleep for only an hour or two before gasping awake with tears streaming down his face and speaking to him in Spanish before sobering up and apologizing for ruining Keith's shirt. Sometimes though, Lance would fall asleep and stay that way as he would snuggle deeper into his arms. Whispering softly into his chest as he murmured sweet nothings to Keith which he would never share with anybody else.

Keith preferred those times out of the rest because he knew Lance needed it. He needed at least some sleep if he was going to consistently try to keep up his over dramatic persona for the others.

He knew that Lance wanted to be the one that kept the team together even when he couldn't keep himself from falling a part.

 

~*~

Lance could feel something weighing heavily on his chest as his lungs collapsed and his breathing ceased to continue as flames swallowed him. His whole body felt like it was melting off his bones as his skin seemed to crisp and flake around the dancing fire that surrounded him. He cried out as best as he could but no sound came out as he tried to breathe in a gulp of air but only to take in a lungful of thick, black smoke.

The weight on his chest became heavier as he tried to scream out once more before his whole body fell in on itself to the ashy floor.  
As the flames drowned out his attempts at speaking, he could hear someone calling out his name but his eyes refused to open anymore as the thick smoke around him enclosed his face.

“Lance! Baby, I need you to wake up. Lance! Please, it's Keith, c'mon! Wake up!”

Suddenly, as if a bright white flashed over him, he was back on the castle ship with stark cold air hitting his fevered skin as he frantically looked around at the terrified faces of his friends. How did he get out into the hallway? Where exactly were they? Why was everyone awake?

“Baby, look at me. Where are you right now?”

His throat was dry and hoarse, he couldn't move his tongue because it was so thick without any moisture. The concerned eyes of Keith came into his view once more as a cool hand came up to rest against his cheek. His friend's face was full of unease, sweat beaded across his forehead while his dark violet eyes searched his face; looking for a sign to see if he was actually awake.

“Lance, where are you?”

“I'm with you.”

 

 

~*~

“I have an idea, but I don't know if it will work at all.”

Pidge was rummaging through their chest of drawers as they searched for something while Keith and Hunk sat down onto their bed. After last night's incident with Lance, they had to admit him into a healing pod and hope that he would finally get some sleep. Lance wouldn't even allow Shiro to touch him so Keith had to help him down to the infirmary where Coran had to run a few tests before even allowing him into a pod.

Keith had never felt that terrified in his whole entire life.

There was so much blood.

Shiro was currently with Lance right now, they were both speaking with Allura and Coran about moving him into a room where they could keep a better eye on him while the other paladins were here in Pidge's dorm. It wasn't sitting well with Keith that the others wanted to monitor him while he tried his best to sleep, he knew better than any one on the ship, excluding Hunk however, that Lance would be better sleeping in his room with him.

Their concern however was the fact that Lance might start hurting other people while he suffered in his sleep.

Since he was clearly already hurting himself.

“Ah! Found it.” 

Pidge pulled out their green bulky headphones and held them out towards the boys as they smiled triumphantly. 

Hunk frowned while Keith narrowed his eyes at the headphones before addressing Pidge, “How will that help him sleep? There's a 50 percent chance he could choke himself on the cord while having an episode and another 50 for it actually working. He can't sleep in complete silence, I've tried.”

Pidge rolled their eyes before slipping them around their neck. “Our helmets have voice recorders built in, thanks to yours truly, so I was thinking that we could all like.. I don't know, record our voices talking to him so he could focus on that? Maybe it could comfort him until he reaches his REM cycle.”

Keith sighed heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. This was ridiculous. Lance just needed to sleep with him permanently and maybe then the night terrors would go away. Maybe he just needed consistency or maybe it was all his fault that Lance was starting to suffer from whatever this was.

Hunk coughed quietly into his fist before clearing away what was ever in his throat before chiming in, “I think that would actually be a good idea. Lance used to have night terrors back in the dorms at the Garrison so his mom would send him voice clips on his phone and listen to them before he went to bed. He stopped yelling in his sleep after a few nights.”

Keith perked up to the new information as he regarded Hunk's profile. Lance has suffered from this before? Why? “Do you know why Lance sleepwalks?”

Hunk turned to him and shook his head sadly, “No, but he told me that it was because he was homesick most of the time. Lance probably misses his family a whole bunch.”

He looked down at his shoes as he processed this. This could be it but Keith knew for sure there was something else as well. Lance had a habit of waking up from his more peaceful naps and talking to Keith while he feigned sleep. He would confess a lot about how he actually felt about himself or how he really felt about being the defenders of the universe.

Keith also knew that Lance was afraid to lose him.

 

~*~

Lance stared out at the stars as he absently rubbed his thumb over the healing scar of his right wrist. He would never believe in a million years that he, Lance Raphael McClain, would ever harm self. After that horrible nightmare, Shiro had calmly explained to him that he was roaming the halls of the castle and calling out for his parents. Lance had apparently gouged out his forearms, leaving thick scratches running down them as well as razor sharp lines that were carved into his thighs and bleeding profusely when they had finally found him crying outside Shiro's dorms' door. Shiro had also mentioned how Lance was calling out for Keith while he sobbed out for his brothers and sisters as well as his teammates.

How had this happened to him?

Lance closed his eyes as he pressed his warm forehead against the cool plexiglass of the window. He was hoping maybe a distress beacon would finally pop up soon so they could focus on something other than himself. 

As much as he liked being the centre of attention, he would rather it be about something else.

He could vaguely hear quiet footsteps approaching him as his shoulders shrugged in on himself before arms wrapped around his torso. Lance huffed out a quiet chuckle as he laid his hands over Keith's, lacing their fingers together.

“Can you sleep in my bed tonight?”

Keith asked softly, his words almost lost into the back of Lance's jacket. He sighed as his lips curled up into a sad smile, “You know they won't allow that after yesterday.”

He could feel Keith stiffen up before he relaxed again, his arms pulling him tighter to him. “Sleep in my bed tonight. I have something for you.”

“I'm not really in the mood for whatever it is your planning, Keith. I love your mouth, but I'm too exhausted to do anything else.”

Lance could feel the annoyance radiate off his friend as he felt more than hear Keith sigh out a heavy breathe. “Pidge, Hunk and I all want to see if our method will help you sleep better. I just... I just miss having you in my room.”

Keith spoke quietly as he nuzzled his face into Lance's shoulder blade again. He couldn't help but smile at the little confession Keith allowed himself to make; Lance knew how much he hated to omit such silly things to him.

“Alright, I'll bite.”

 

~*~ 

 

Keith breathed through his mouth as his back arched off the bed once again as Lance pulled him further into his mouth. A curl of desire spiralled through him as Lance hollowed out his cheeks and began moving his head, his tongue laying flat up against his shaft. He buried his hand into his short hair as he tugged on them gently, wanting to not rush things since this had been the first time in a couple weeks that they had been intimate like this.

Now he remembered why he had missed Lance's mouth so much.

As Lance pulled his mouth off of him, he lapped at the head of Keith before sucking just the tip into his mouth. Another groan was escaped from his breath as Lance's tongue bathed his cock in his saliva.

“Come here.”

Keith quietly murmured, his voice was hoarse from lack of use but was heavy with lust. He watched as Lance dragged his tongue from the root of himself to the tip before crawling up over Keith's body. He titled his head up as Lance slotted their mouths together, their tongues lazily sliding against one another as Keith's free hand slid over his back to then cup his ass and pull him forward.

A groan tumbled into his mouth as Lance's cock rubbed up against his own, his pupils blown wide as he looked down into Keith's. “¿Qué deseas?”

Keith's lips twisted up into a wolfish grin as his hand slide down over Lance's cheek to squeeze the back of his thigh. “Just you, baby.” He pressed up against the tanned boy's body as he pulled his thigh up so it rested against Keith's hip. Their mouths slid against each other's as their teeth clicked before Keith took over, claiming Lance's mouth once again as he used this distraction to roll him onto his back.

Lance let out a soft moan as Keith tugged on his hair once again, a little bit more forceful this time as his tongue massaged itself against the other boy's. He could feel Lance's hips rocking gently up into his as their cocks brushed against each other's, but of course it just wasn't enough friction for the both of them.

The hand that Keith had laid onto Lance's thigh slide down the relaxed muscle before reaching up to slither around his warm throat. As he leaned his head back, Lance's eyes opened into slits before opening his mouth as wide as he could. A spike of arousal coursed through him as he watched Lance do so; the boy had learned quite fast what Keith liked.

“Do you want me?”

Keith brought his lips to Lance's ear as he let his throat go to slide two fingers into his open mouth. Lance immediately bathed his fingers in saliva as his tongue thrust itself between them, he sucked on them gently as he tried his best to quiet his whimpering.

Keith growled softly as he shoved his fingers farther down, wanting to hear Lance moan around them as he grinded their cocks up against each other. He could feel a few drops of precum splash against his lower stomach as he slowly rolled his hips into Lance one more time.

“Do you want me, baby?”

He asked again, pulling his fingers out from his mouth as he rolled his hips harder into Lance once more. A loud groan escaped as his hips bucked forward eagerly, wanting more of Keith.

“Yes.”

Keith devoured him. The kiss was hard but it was full of something, everything, anything. He poured whatever he felt into the kiss as Lance's mouth fell open just for him. Lance was kissing him just as hungrily back, his hands were frantically clawing at Keith's back before settling into his hair and tugging on it.

As they kissed, Lance wrapped his long legs around Keith's hips as he rolled his cock up to meet his. The friction elicited such a delicious sound out of him that Keith was almost certain that Lance had already cum but instead, it only made the two want each other faster.

With his already wet fingers, Keith reached down to lightly trace the seam of Lance's ass before running the pads of his fingers around the hole. Lance whined into his mouth as he tried to press his fingers into him which earned himself a hard tug on his short hair. 

“Baby, you're mine.”

Keith growled into his mouth as he launched yet another fight for dominance against Lance's lips as he pressed the tips of his fingers inside. The saliva helped a little bit, it made getting past the tight ring almost bearable before he slowly pushed his fingers almost all the way to his knuckle. 

“Ah-hh! Fuuck, Keith.”

Lance groaned as Keith stroked his inner walls gently, he watched as Lance's pained expression turned into one of need. His mouth fell open as he panted out breaths, Keith could feel him relaxing as he continued to push his fingers inside before finally coming to the hilt of them.

“Better?”

He murmured against Lance's mouth before he pulled his fingers back to start pumping them in and out. Keith started slowly of course, Lance was always needy when he bottomed and he liked to savor it anyhow because Lance was crying out softly as his nails dug hard into Keith's back. The pads of his fingers brushed up against a small bump as Lance's back completely arched off his bed as his mouth fell open into a loud sob. 

“Ahh, joder, más.”

Keith ran his teeth up along Lance's neck as he stroked the small bundle of nerves he had found as he continued to cry out. He could feel Lance clench around his fingers which excited him further and pumped even more arousal through his veins before he bit down into the meaty part of his shoulder.

Lance let out a hiss as he bucked his hips up once again as Keith's fingers slipped out. “Ah, sorry cariño.”

“Don't worry about it.”

Keith smoothed his tongue over the bite as he tried his best to soothe the pain before he leaned up onto his knees. What a sight Lance was when he was in a state of mess like this. Keith absolutely loved when he topped because even when he wasn't, he was always in charge but this always gave him a different thrill. Lance was looking up at him with hooded eyes and his kiss-bitten lips were a dark red that almost matched the blush that bloomed all over his tanned chest. Keith also never knew that Lance was covered in faint freckles; he can still remember the first time that they ever had sex and he found this out. Keith had spent the majority of his tongue jerking poor Lance off as he bit and licked at the cluster of dots that were dusted along Lance's pecs.

Lance whined, breaking Keith out of his memory as he wiggled his hips towards him. “Now you stop talking?” Keith teased as to gently took the base of his cock into his hand and gave himself a few pumps before positioning the head at Lance's entrance.

“You know to relax right?”

Lance nodded his head as Keith pushed his hips forward, the head of himself slowly being accepted inside as he placed his hands on either side of Lance's shins. Tilting his legs slightly towards Lance's chest, he watched as the shaft of himself slowly disappeared almost all the way to the hilt before coming to a stop. Keith stilled his hips as he flicked his eyes up to look through his lashes as Lance's face was screwed up in pain.

“Relax, baby. You can do this.”

Keith encouraged him as he leaned down over him once more, his elbows laying on either side of Lance's head almost caging him in. His eyes were closed, but his expression was starting to soften which meant that Keith could finally move his hips.

He pulled back slowly before pushing back inside him again as Lance moaned out a weak little sigh. Keith pressed his lips to Lance's forehead before pulling back his hips once more before slamming himself back in, the tip of his head seemed to hit its target as Lance practically shouted out his name while his nails dug crescent moons into his back once again.

“Sorry, baby. You feel really fucking good.”

Keith groaned as he started to thrust into him at a quicker pace. Lance had finally taken the hint and crossed his ankles over Keith's back as his head dropped back against the pillow. Keith fucked into him as fast as he could, knowing all too well that all the slow teasing that they had down was about to come falling apart any second as he could feel the tight coil of his orgasm slither around in his lower stomach. 

Lance wasn't far off either however, he was crying out for Keith to fuck him harder as he tried to match his thrusts with his own feasible attempts as he scratched lines down into his back.

“Are you close?”

Keith breathed as he brought his face close to Lance's. It was his guilty pleasure; he liked watching Lance take his cock like a champ before he came all over himself. Lance had a really attractive cumface and he hated missing out on it.

“Ye-yeah, just fuck Keith. I'm so close.”

He whined as Keith thrusted into him harder. He was almost at his brim for energy though, while Lance preferred it hard and slow; Keith was the complete opposite and enjoyed fucking him shallow and fast.

Keith wouldn't admit it, but he really did like cumming all over Lance's stomach instead of inside him.

Lance called out his name in a husky growl before he could feel the walls contract around his cock as Lance came all over both their stomachs. Keith wasn't too far behind and picked up speed as he raked a hand through Lance's hair.

“You know I'd do anything for you, Lance.”

And with that said, Keith bottomed out and filled him up to the brim.

 

~*~  
“Whats this present you guys have for me?”

Lance had cleaned the both of them up after Keith had selfishly cum inside him and even onto his own mattress which meant Lance had to change the sheet too. They were now snuggled up to each other, Keith was tucked under Lance's arm and had his head resting on his chest while Lance laid on his back. He was absently twirling a long strand of Keith's hair around his finger as he stared up into the dark ceiling.

“Its um.. Its a recording. Hunk said that you used to listen to your mother talk to you before bed and you wouldn't sleep walk. We wanted to see if we could do that for you.”

Lance stilled his hand before his eyes fell closed. His mamá's recordings used to be the last thing he heard before he would go to bed at night. It put his homesickness to ease and also his anxiety; now Lance just wished he had kept those recordings on his phone.

He looked down at Keith's head, only to be met with his eyes instead. Keith was waiting for his response, his face was neutral but Lance knew that he was worrying on the inside but refused to show any sign. 

“Sure. Lay it on me.”

Keith pulled himself out from under Lance's arm and reached over him to open the bed side table's drawer. Lance watched as Keith pulled out large green headphones and a small little metal device that was already plugged in. Keith rested them onto his chest before settling back down and underneath his arm once more.

“You don't have to, tonight. Its just, play recording one first.”

Keith sounded nervous but before Lance could say anything, Keith reached for the headphones and slipped them onto his head. As the cushions rested against him and were tight to his ears, he could absolutely hear nothing but the sound of his own heartbeat. Lance took a deep breathe before running his free hand over the device before finally finding the small square button that turned the recorder on.

“Um, hey Lance.. I just, fuck.. I sorry. Can we start the recording again. Okay, okay, um. Lance. I know its really hard for you right now but you know, I will always be there for you. We've well, I don't think rivals even describe us anymore and I hope it doesn't for you too because you're not, a rival, to me. Lance, I don't regret ever kissing you at all and I am really happy you finally find your way in all this. I'm also just kinda glad you find your way to me of all people and, I just wanted to say thank you. I love everything about you and I love everything that we have together now. I just, I've never told any one this but I actually really love fishing. Back in Texas, the foster family I was staying with had a huge lake in the back of their backyard and they would go fishing every other weekend so we would all pack a lunch so we could have a picnic. It was great, you would have loved it. I know you wish the ocean and everything, but you would have loved to seen this view...”

Lance could feel his body slowly drift off to sleep as the sound of Keith's voice lulled himself into a deep slumber.


End file.
